A Piece of Thoughts: March 2010

9^th of March will always be a remarkable date with all the feeling of blessing and reminiscence of myself. It is remembering me to the spring season when the sky is sharply clear, the sheep-like clouds quietly sway and the joy of waiting the flowers to bloom. If it’s sharing with you, that is HAPPINESS! When you remember of this date, it’s like remembering of the song “March 9^th” or also known as “Sangatsu Kokonoka” by Remioromen (it’s a nice song and you should listen to it). Today is my 22^nd Birthday and I still keep on thinking of you to celebrate it with me. But you are so far away.

Every time I sit and think, with every breath I take, of only you. Never in my horrendous dreams did I ever believe this would ever happen. You keep yourself apart from me. It’s not your fault or even others. As life moves on, we have to follow the flow of living for the betterment. If I were in your shoes, I did the same thing too. You moved to KL after SPM. It was a sudden for me. We just started to grow it more. How I always wish you were here, near to my house so that we could meet up while waiting for the offer letters. It was always in my mind to go out for jogging with you at Taman Rimba. Then, we could cycle if you felt tired to walk. Then, we could meet at the Esso petrol station which just located in between of our ‘Taman’ or we could go to the nearest 7 Eleven to buy Slurpy if we got thirsty. Then, laughing and having a non-stop talking with you which makes me feel so much fun and at ease every times we meet. But it was just my dreams :’( … How I really wish it to be happen but thank God, at least we can still contact through the endless-texting and everyday-calling. Even I was in the toilet, I brought my hp with me (I’ll laugh every times I think of this, selamat xpenah jatuh dlm tutt..hahahah). My family knows it well. They like to tease on me by saying “Ratu Sms”. I don’t even mind with that unless I can still text you because you brought me so many things that words cannot describe.

Oh Muhammad Haziq, now it comes to a harder phase of our relationship. You got the offer to study abroad (yes you are, you are smart) while I am still here and AGAIN you kept yourself APART from me :’( … It was a nightmare but it’s also for the good, for the future. If I love you, so I have to let you go even it was the hardest thing for me. I truly could not live my life without having you to talk to and to confide in. You know more about me than anyone, you know my thoughts, and you know my heart inside and out. You know everything about me. You even can predict the things that I will do next. You have a way of making my heart skip a beat, and I want you and the whole world to know, that I love you =) … How can I live without having a whole day time texting to you??? We cannot have a phone call for everyday and of course we cannot meet each other for the so-long-of time. It brings me full of grieves and pains :’( …I knew you felt it too. But you didn’t show it obviously because you want to make it less suffers. But deep in your heart, I knew how you felt there, the emptiness, the pain and grief that we should go through. I remembered on the 5^th of February 2009, it was already 4months and 10 days that you were in UK since 26^th of September 2008, my tutor asked us in the class to make a spontaneous poem about “the turning point of your life”. My mind just kept on thinking of you. You are the turning point of my life. Then here is my poem for you that I wrote on that particular date and I also sent it to my tutor =)

Quantum theory of our distance by Nur Nazlin

Miles and miles and miles we are apart,

The distance of Mersey Estuary and Malacca Straits,

Far and far and far still in my heart,

Decision has been made and we would not regret

I wake in the morning and sleep at night,

My thoughts and dreams fill with your sight,

Your smiles, your laughs hold me tight,

The mystical power to stop me cried

Too many words left unspoken,

Too many things left undone,

It’s all about the distance,

Waiting for you is the real pain of mine

Hush now my love I’ll wait for you,

Anything comes we have to go through,

Zoom the time to make it near,

It takes few years to become so clear,

Quantum theory of our distance will last forever

Now, I am thousands of miles away from you. I hope you’re always healthy, steady, and lovely as you do. I cannot wait to see you again. I'm writing this to let you know that I really miss your smiles and your laughs which are so sweet definitely make my heart melts. I miss the way you talk a lot which sometimes drives me crazy..hehehe…I love to see your clumsiness again which always makes me laugh and delightful. I miss all your jokes that makes me feel so much fun to be with you. I am a child when I am beside you and so do you. When you act like a child, I should act like a Mom!…hehehe =D …Both of us can be so crazy. Remember when we were shopping at Carrefour? I was sitting in front of the trolley and you had to push the trolley from section to section. Then, we changed the role where I need to use some of my strengths to push the trolley when you were sitting on it. People might think, "Ish..Ish..Issh...Budak-budak ni anak siapa la,dah tua dah dok main-main lagi", we just having fun with it...hahaha (umur berapakah kita time ni? 20 yo!!!)..hahaha =D All in all, you are the miracle in my life. I’ve learned to be a better person with you. I’ve learned from mistake with you. And now I’m still learning to be a better person. I give my best. Please, don’t ever give up on me for my imperfections. I know you are so patient with my ‘kerenah’. I’m so sorry for that. I promise, I’ll make it less k…hehehe =P I’m so grateful to have you Muhammad Haziq from the time we met until now and for a lifetime. Thank you for every single time you spend with me.

The next paragraph is Haziq’s own writing for me. Thank you so much =)

Hmmmm, Nur Nazlin Binti Mohd Raslan. Where should I start...Nazlin is a one fine young lady, n most importantly, she’s the girl of my life. I’m writing this so called entry to let u guys (n girls) know about this devious girl, hehe… Just joking, she’s not. She’s a bright n full of passion kind of girl...You can see her looking so happy all the time (ok, maybe not all the time, haha). But, you definitely shouldn’t take her lightly, because you’ll not like it when she gets mad. Basically, that’s what I love about her =)

It all started during our fourth year in SMSPS. It is all thanks to our friend Azani, who took our first picture together. Even though the picture didn’t came out nicely as we expected (because we both look so awkward in it), but it sure does reminds me of all the good days that I had been through with her since that day. I can still smell the breeze from those old days which is very refreshing indeed. It might be due to the happiness that she had brought into my life. Each time I went to class, I always hope that I might bump into her and say something. Believe it or not, we did bumped into each other a whole lot of time, but I don’t know why my lips won’t budge even a little. And sadly, that’s how we went through the final year together at school. And after we left the school for good, I really regret it! Really wish I could go back to those days and speak to her, and take more pictures together =( .. but whats done is done, that’s what I keep on saying to myself and think only about what’s up ahead, to fill em with joy and precious moments,with her of course..

There are a lot of ups and downs that we have been through all these years and it’s all thanks to her for being patient, and definitely, her wonderful smile, that melts my heart every time I got angry. But beyond those faint smiles I can see pain and sadness that she tries very hard to cover ever since I went to further my studies abroad. She has been through a lot, and I don’t think I make things any easier for her. But I do love her and always try to be a better person for her and my family. Talking about family, she reminds me of my mom, due to the personalities I guess, or maybe they both do have the same trait, hehe. Both of them are kinda blurry when their minds are off to something or somewhere and most of all, they look so innocent doing that, hehe. Both of them are the greatest women of my life, whom I love so much.

I’m really glad that she had been transferred to Uitm Shah Alam last year, because it made me feel much closer to her. But there’s also some part of her transferring there made me worried, hehe… Anyway, every time I went back for summer break, I can meet her almost every week, which is heaven for me, and for her too I hope =) ...We planned so many things ahead before the break which almost all of the planning involve food, hehehe.. that’s the only visible-similar thing about us, we both can't live without thinking about food. Even when she’s at my house, the rice cooker can be emptied by her single handedly, hehe.jk... There are so many interesting things about her and it would take me all night to write it all down. There’s more to her than meets the eye (yeah I know, that’s quite cliché, haha). Nur Nazlin is truly an amazing girl, and I’m really lucky to have her by my side all the time. And that’s what brings me here today, 5years and a half with her (ongoing, hehe), and still madly in love =)... and I hope, InsyaAllah, our relationship will last for a lifetime. Not only it will last, but I believe it will grow as time goes by~~

WE are moving towards a society that is more 'INDIVIDUALISTIC'! My heart is being punched continually by the cruelty of our society. It took me into tears when I read the news of Syafia Humairah who was not related to myself at all, but her suffering seemed very much close to me like I felt it too. It was a tragic murder. How could a man STOMP a 3 yo child and she had been abused to DEATH in the PRESENCE of many people??? He must be out of human being (yes he is-under drug influence)! How could a MOTHER give full of TRUST to the person who is NOT related to her at all??? And the worst thing is how could the SOCIETY just STAND STILL on the side to watch it???!!! It is so soo sadistic!...I cannot imagine if the incident happens to my own child, my nephews, my nieces, my cousins or other children that I know if the society is just standing on the side and watching that 'animal' stomping and beating a child rather than stopping it. It is worse than animal, an evil I think! An autopsy conducted revealed that Syafia suffered internal injuries, bleeding in the head, abdomen and kidney, and bruises and scratches on her cheek, neck and back due to the injuries. It’s so painful :'(

My society, is your society too...I'm afraid of my society, I'm afraid of going outside, I'm afraid of meeting this kind of society...Why should this society becomes more individualistic especially the society in the big city? Houses are being locked all the time, doors are being shut or even the windows. Children cannot play in front of the house without parents’ supervision (I understand that they do all of these to protect their children and family because there are lots of crimes). But indirectly, it's more likely like living in the cage! It is rare for the neighbours to have a conversation together or even worse, some of them didn't know their neighbours' name. Then, the saying "Mind Your Own Business" has been used as the symbol of privacy and people feel really contented when there is a disaster such Syafia's death.

While I'm writing this entry, it comes across my mind, my hometown and my beloved nephews in Alor Star who always playing in front of the house in the evening with other neighbours' children. I am so happy to see them running, cycling and playing. Even I myself sometimes joined them up to play "Mencari harta karun" , "Fishing", "Quiz", "Cycling" or I'm just laughing to see them act like one of the famous TV shows, "Seekers" (they act exactly like 'Uncle seekers', 'the crew' and also 'orang yg kena tunggu hantu tuh'...hahaha). I also know my neighbours' children very well and my mother sometimes give them some 'makan-makan' like 'biscuits', 'nuts' or 'cucur apa-apa yang mak buat'. Sometimes, they always asked me "Kak Lin nak join tak main aci ligan, nenek - nenek, aci sembunyi...and bla..bla..blaa..?? hahaha...I answered, "I'm already 21 yo lar Dear, malu nak main dengan budak-budak kecik berlari ke sana sini depan rumah jiran-jiran"(nanti mak, ayah, abang *hampa tengok maluuu<--dalam hati)...hahaha..But sometimes I feel bored watching TV so I just 'hentam ja la main dengan budak-budak pn'!!! Then my mom would say to my brothers, "Tengok tuh kanak-kanak TUA!"..hahaha :D Back to the topic, then I try to compare my small society with the big city society, I start to realize that there are so much differences.

I always think that my neighbourhood in my 'taman' can be considered as a safe place (Alhamdulillah, there's no cases on child abuse and crime yet). But I think I'm wrong. Regardless of wherever city/state/place that we stay, there is a threat. Expect the unexpected! So, keep an eye on your children, little bro and sis, nephews, nieces, cousins or even your neighbours' children too. This advice is meant for me and you, "Please don't be too individualistic" if you love your own society and your own flesh and blood...